Twenty Seconds
by caspianandsusan4ever
Summary: Sometimes, all it takes is twenty seconds of insane courage for an entire lifetime to seem worth something. Suspian.One-shot.


**I do not own the Chronicles of Narnia. **

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><p>Her name was Hortensia and she had an eye twitch.<p>

And a mole on her nose.

Caspian did not know why it _bothered_ him so much but well, it did. Hortensia was by no definition an ugly woman, but Caspian could not get over the eye twitches and frankly, he could not stop staring at that _thing_ on her face. In fact, the moment Caspian saw her getting off her horse the first thing he wondered was if anything could be done to cover it—powder or, or make-up….or a mask; whatever was most convenient for her.

In fact, if she had not had such an unfortunate growth on her face and such a strange twitch, she would have been quite attractive with her shiny red curls, kind bright green eyes , tall, thin frame. From the right side, she was a very pretty.

Even Susan had agreed. And that had made Caspian a bit uneasy to tell the truth. Almost as if Susan was trying to draw Caspian's attention to that particular detail; like Susan wanted him to admit he thought the foreign princess was beautiful. And she had looked so sad when she had said it…

Caspian's brow furrowed and he momentarily stopped walking. Now that he thought about it, Susan had been acting a bit strangely lately, as if she was just observing her life instead of being a part of it. He had asked Edmund about it the other day and Edmund had merely shrugged it off and said that it was probably something stupid Caspian said or some sort of moody woman thing. But Caspian was not convinced.

The foreign princess and her father had arrived at the Telmarine castle three days ago to press a suit on the new king, much to his horror dismay.

He did not want a foreign princess who could barely understand a word he said; all he wanted was only a few corridors away. Susan was all he wanted. She was everything; his hope, the light to his soul, his purpose, the strength that kept him walking. Without her, he would be lost.

He didn't know how anything could be better than what he felt when he was with her. She was the light of his life and the apple of his eye. And he was hopelessly, irrevocably, idiotically in love with her…even if he had not told her yet. Especially if he had not told her yet. Goodness, he was too afraid to hug her, let alone confess his feeling for her! Especially since he had a feeling Peter would kill him. But someday, someday, he would say it. All he needed was about twenty seconds of insane courage and he knew something good would come from it.

Someday he would scream it from the highest tower and let the whole world know of his insane love for her. And then he would kiss her so passionately she would never want to leave his side. Or at least that's how he pictured it.

Caspian shook his head and kept walking, muttering and daydreaming under his breath, not realizing his feet had carried him to Susan's bedroom door until it opened and Susan walked out.

"Oh. Caspian. What are you, what are you doing here?" she asked in a dull voice, not looking up or smiling at him, which automatically caught the young King's attention.

It was past noon and she was still dressed in her nightgown with a ratty old robe snugly wrapped around her, her hair was tussled and uncombed, and her face looked slightly puffy-as if she had been crying, a lot. It made him uneasy.

The fact that she instantly turned her head away when he took a step closer and even looked pained when he lightly placed his hand on her upper arm for just a moment to get her attention. He was utterly bewildered.

"Have—have you been crying?" he asked softly, worriedly.

She still refused to look him in the eye, even when he put his finger beneath her chin and gently lifted her head to look into her face. She shook her head bravely, although Caspian could basically see the tears behind her eyes. He frantically searched her face for an answer but found none, although her eyes seemed to be unfocused and blank.

"What is amiss? Have I done something to upset you, did I say something, are you angry with me-?''

She finally looked up, although her expression was still blank and confused and Caspian could tell she was staring at between his eyes rather than right into them (she knew if she did, she would never be able to look away), and her gaze often slowly darted around the hallway.

"What do you think of her? The princess, I mean. Do you…is she interesting to you?" she asked distantly, her eyes glazed over.

Caspian sighed and took a small step closer. "Have I done anything to suggest so—for if I have, my lady, pray tell, for it was not intentional and I sincerely hope I have not upset you by anything I have said or done around the princess."

A sour, agitated look came over her face. "I did not ask you to be answered with a stupid question Caspian. I asked because I want an answer. Do you fancy her?"

Caspian thought carefully about his answer. "No… After meeting you I— "

"-Perhaps you should." She interrupted, biting her lip and visibly trying to keep a brave face although she sounded painfully sad.

Caspian felt his soul sink and his eyes cloud. "What?"

"I am wrong for you Caspian, I am wrong for the kingdom," she said through the first tears as she turned this way and that, pushing on his arms that had found their way around her, and trying to get away from the pain shining in his eyes.

"Wrong for the—hey, hey, what are you talking about, they love you" he answered softly, grabbing her wrist as she tried to escape.

She shook her head almost frantically, splattering tears on the stone floor. "No, no, no, I can't, no not again—I can't BE with you, not like this, not now."

Caspian felt as if his heart was ripped out.

"Susan what are you talking about? Wait!" he called, breaking into a jog as she broke away and rushed down the hallway, sobbing.

He whirled around the corner, his eyes scanning for her but finally landing on her shaking figured, slumped against the wall-hands over her face and head buried in her knees drawn up to her chest.

But instead of drawing himself up to his full height and shutting himself off to her tears like a true Telmarine, he joins her on the floor.

Susan feels his body next to hers and cries harder, shame flooding out of her. Queens are supposed to be strong. Queens are supposed to turn the other cheek and never allow anyone to see tears on their faces. And right now, she feels less like a queen than ever before.

But she is surprised when she does not instantly feel the warmth from his body of his strong muscular arms around her. Instead, he simply sits beside her for a moment. She thought it was because he was trying to give her a chance to calm down. But in reality, he was trying to keep the stitches of his soul in place.

A few minutes later, when Caspian himself has had a chance to calm himself down, he took a deep breath. "So I know you are upset now, but I want you to know that I am going to do whatever it takes for us to be together." He looked up at her with determination shining in his eyes and adjusted himself so that he was crouching in front of her and cautiously reached for her hand.

"If you want intelligent, I will read every book in the Professor's library. If you want brave, I will battle twenty men without so much as the blink of an eye. If you want strong and silent, I will be your rock and just…hold you, whenever you need me. I will be there. If you want…witty and mischievous, I will get lessons from Edmund every day…if you want , I don't know, sulky and quiet I will brood in my study all day long. If you want a great thinker and a listener, I will hang on your every word. I will be whatever you want. But please. Please don't do this. I will be whatever you want to be. Because I want you, all of you, everyday. You and me. Forever (The Notebook). Just please, _please_ give us this chance. Please."

She was quiet for a long time.

But after what seemed like thirteen hundred years, she looked up at him with a sort of half smile.

"But that's just it, " she said with a half hearted attempt at a smile, "you have made it so clear to everyone—including the Telmarines—that you will do anything for me. The Telmarines don't like it. They are so afraid that I will sway your decisions in favor of the Old Narnians….we—we would not last two weeks together," she said ending in a dull whisper of something very near exasperation.

He shook his head repeatedly, trying to convince himself it was all a lie. But no matter how much he wanted to believe she was imagining all the disapproving looks and mumbled insults, but knew in his heart she was right.

Susan took a deep breath. "You need to consider her, Caspian. She is smart and kind and honest and I am sure you will be happy with her.''

"No! I could never be happy without you. I do not want to consider another! Can you not see that?" he added in a hurt tone, the pain in his eyes too much for the Gentle Queen.

"Caspian you know why we can't—"

"—No, I do not! I want to be with you and they cannot stop me. I am the king and they are through pushing me around!" he said in a deep accent.

She tore a hand through her hair in frustration, and although Caspian could see how upset and aggravated she was, he could not help thinking how adorable she looked when she did that.

"They are your people Caspian! They are your people we have just finished fighting! One misstep and they could decide they do not want US in this castle either! The council has made their feeling concerning the two of us together very clear. I can only image what they would do if we began courting officially!"

" I do not care what they think about us! My whole life has been dictated by what is expected of me and for once in my life I am going to do what _I _want. "

"But that is not how it works Caspian! You are the king! And, and you will consider the princess, and someday you two will be so happy together and –"

"Oh, so you want me to spend the rest of my life married to that princess and seeing you everyday with some man and put on a smile for the rest of the kingdom!" he asked bitterly.

He let go of her hand and two suddenly found themselves standing.

She let out a sort of demented laugh although her voice began to quake through the growing lump in her throat. "You see! We are already fighting!"

Before opening his mouth to argue that they were indeed NOT fighting, he got the queerest feeling right in the pit of his stomach.

Right as she opened those beautiful full lips and started to speak, Caspian took a step towards her, grabbed her face in his hands, and he kissed her.

For a moment, Caspian was certain she was going to slap him. But then, he felt her relax into him. Then, he felt how their perfectly their bodies fit together and how everything disappeared except her. He felt how whole and complete he felt as her soft hand slowly touched the side of his jaw and his arm found its way to her waist. He felt how for that one moment, everything was perfect. At that moment in time, he would have given absolutely everything just to stay like this forever.

And as they finally pulled away, her hands tangling in his hair and his forehead leaned against hers, he thought that for the first time in his entire life, he felt like as if he truly had the whole world in his hand, for he had love standing inches from him.

And all it took was twenty seconds of insane courage.


End file.
